There are a thousand words that come to me when I think of you. You see, I never really envisioned being a "mom". I know I thought that one day I would have kids, but that day was a far, far distant future. And even then, I didn't really know what being a mom looked like or felt like. I don't think anyone does until that time comes. When we found out I was pregnant, it wasn't until that first solid kick did I really, truly realize what was happening to me. God was forming every part of you inside me. Your nose, your laugh, your silly personality, your eyes and legs. Every inch of you was created by Him, and He chose me to protect you. After they laid you on my chest, and I met you for the very first time, I was overwhelmed. Boy, was I overwhelmed with emotions. You were finally here. You were ours. Insert, "oh my gosh, now what do I do?!"
The days that followed were long. Very, very long. They were filled with many tears and many laughs. There were moments when I hit my knees and prayed that God would direct my steps and guide me in this new role. Actually, that happened every day. Those long days turned into short, fleeting months. There were times when I wondered if you would ever sleep any where but my chest. There were (and still are) moments where I wanted to freeze time and soak in every second of what was happening: The first time you rolled over, the first crawl, the first laugh, the first time you smiled back at me, the first time you peed all over my face, the last time you woke in the middle of the night to feed, the last time you would nurse, the last time you would have to sleep on my chest during the day for two hours at a time. And as we are approaching 9 months, I am amazed at how time really does fly. I have learned so much about myself, Patrick, and God's love for us. I have embraced "grace not perfection." I have learned so much about you, too. You are strong. You are determined. You love being held. You are pretty stinkin' cute. You never stop moving, and love to make noise. Your smile and giggle could change the most evil of hearts.
You have my whole heart, Warren bear. Every single inch of my soul loves you. It is a fierce love. It is a painful love. It is the most joyful love. You are everything I never knew I needed. And I am so humbled and grateful to be your mom.
