Na na nana, Hey Hey Hey

Shew. How is it already time for a New Year?! I just got used to writing 2015...  For the past few years I have reflected on the past year and looked toward the new year in a different way. I am not big on celebrated NYE, really any holiday that requires me to forego my bedtime. Anyways, I focused on one word that would challenge me, grow me, and make me a better person, wife, daughter, friend (now mom). For 2015, my word was intentional. I wanted to be intentional in all areas of my life, and I failed miserably at times. It was harder than I thought it would be, but I truly believe that word made me grow.

I have thought hard on what I want this next year to bring. I have thought of the obvious answers: joy, strength, prayer, love, focus. But I wanted to get deeper than I had. I wanted this year to not necessarily be focused on a verb or action. I wanted to push myself further than being intentional or loving. So, this year my word is peace. It may sound like a weird choice, and to an extent it kind of is. 2015 has had its challenges. It has been hard. It has also brought me the most joy. If you know me well, you know I have a lot of anxiety. I have anxiety about everything. But mostly decision making. It has always been a struggle for me.

One of my favorite quotes is "Peace: It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." The Bible is full of verses regarding peace [Col. 3:15/ Phil 4:6-7 to name a couple], and they are all over my house and office to remind me. But, I want to focus on this one:

So, here is to 2016 and being in the midst of noise, trouble, and hard work, and still be calm in my heart. Here is to be at peace with decisions and have confidence in myself and others. Here's to being attentive to that. Here is to letting the Peace of Christ saturate my life as a person, wife, friend, daughter, and especially as a mom.
 

Hello, It's me....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! Blogging most definitely has taken a back burner to life lately. I have an almost 5 month old. WHAT the WHAT?! I am not sure where the past few months have gone, but time has never been longer, shorter, more full of laughter and tears and anxiety and fun. If you have a child, I am sure you can relate. I decided I am going to be posting (maybe not all at once...) about what I have experienced over the past few months and what I have learned. There is a lot of TMI, so may want to skip if that freaks you out! This post will be full of my experiences, with a dash of sarcastic humor. Some times, you just have to laugh. There is a list of a thousand things you will "never do with your baby" and as soon as they hold that baby in your arms, that list goes flying out the window.

1. Labor
Labor is painful. I know everyone has a different experience. The physical aspect of labor and recovery went really, really well for me. It was quick, and relatively easy (as easy as labor can be, haha!). The mesh panties, pain spray, tucks pads were all a God-send. Hoard that crap. Seriously. Put some in your hospital bag that you oh so meticulously packed (and in my case, didn't use 3/4 of what was in it) and ask for more each nurse shift change. Trust me on this one. We went home with like a full set of all of it. I still have some left over! Take the stool softener. I know, not something you want to hear about, but trust me on that one too. It doesn't have to be as terrifying as everyone makes it out to be. The emotional aspect was hard. The 2-3 weeks after labor are full of haywire hormones. I cried a lot. Some times, without prompting. I will never forget sitting on the couch, in Patrick's arms (I am not a cuddly person.. its just not my love language), literally sobbing because I was so overwhelmed and exhausted and failing my baby in every way. That is okay. Time will pass, and you will balance out to just one good cry a day, and eventually once a week. I kid I kid.

** In all seriousness, these hormones are very real and very much out of your control. Post partum depression is real, and not a joking matter whatsoever, so if you are feeling those feelings...  please seek help. Don't let your mental health be defined by a survey at the drs office.

2. Breastfeeding
If you would have told me in July that  I would be breastfeeding at 4.5 months, I would have laughed in your face. It was something I wanted to attempt, but wasn't going to stress about if it didn't work. Honestly, I wasn't sure how I would do with the whole concept... again not a cuddly person. It kind of weirded me out. Just keeping it real over here. Well, my milk came in the day we got home, and has been overloading me ever since. BF has actually been something that I have "enjoyed." If that's even the right word?!!! Haha! Kudos to ALL mama's that feed their babies in whatever way they choose. This stuff is HARD. Back to BF, the first 3 weeks were MISERABLE. I have never hurt so much and dreaded something that much in my life. I wanted to quit every time it was time for him to  eat. Which if you have had a newborn, it's ROUND the CLOCK! But, I had so much milk that I couldn't bear to stop because it hurt. I knew the hurt would go away, and it did. So, my unsolicited advice, how ever you choose to feed your sweet little one, do it with confidence and peace.

Side note... Warren has silent reflux. So if they are screaming more than you feel like they should be.. try cutting out dairy. I wish my pediatrician had suggested that at 3 weeks instead of acid reflux meds, because at 12 weeks, when I finally cut it out, I had a completely different baby.

3. Trust yourself.
No matter how prepared I thought I was, I wasn't. Like, I WAS NOT! And that is okay. Nothing can prepare you for the emotions, the anxiety, the fear, the overwhelming joy. Your instincts will develop. Don't let any one or anything make you question yourself. You are a great mom, or you are going to be a great mom. Don't feel like you constantly need to justify your choices. Yes, I just said all that to myself, because I need to hear it daily.

4. Schedule
L.O.L. Can I just laugh for a minute?!! I read baby wise before I had him. And I had this schedule all laid out. I stressed myself out so much because he wasn't on a schedule and wouldn't nap more than 30 minutes for 3 months. I cried. A lot. If he did sleep longer than 30 min, it was on my chest. (Which I am not complaining about) If I could go back and change anything, it would be to tell my type A strong willed self to stop the immense worrying about THAT. Breathe. Just let it go. It will click eventually, and it did. Just because your baby isn't doing what some book said he should be doing, does not mean you are a failure. The day I let the idea of a schedule go, life got so much better. We now have a routine, which he rocks at, and he is so so so happy (thanks to no dairy, ha!). This may not apply to anyone but me, but I put so much pressure on myself and I shouldn't have. We just put so much pressure on ourselves to get everything "right," that we forget they are just babies... they will get it eventually.


5. Love
It is okay if you don't feel this immense "so in love, over the moon" love at first. It is okay if you do. But, if you don't, you will. And your baby will. You are new to each other. You have to learn each other. And when you do, oh man. There is no greater feeling in the world. I am given a glimpse of the love that the Father has for us, and my oh my, is it immense.


Lastly, the best piece of advice I was given, and the only unsolicited advice I give to any pregnant friends (unless you ask, then I rattle away hahaha)..... Do what gives you the most peace.   If it's BF or formula, Cry It Out or cuddle, co sleep or crib day one, organic or not, whatever.... just have confidence in YOUR family's choices, and don't let anyone make you feel shame or failure! Don't let anyone fool you, we're all winging it...

Baby Boy is Here!!

Hey there! It's been a quick minute! Life has changed drastically for us in the past 5 weeks. This post may be quite long, but for those curious.. I promise it's a good one! [Disclaimer: Some details may be TMI... but when you have a baby, nothing is off limits anymore.]

Let's start with Thursday, August 6th. That evening my mom jokingly brought over a friends "birthing ball" (I still find that so funny-- it is literally an exercise ball-- she said she went into labor the day after using it). For those that have been pregnant, you try all sorts of silly things. I only tried the ball and walking. Nothing too crazy. I knew he would come when he was ready. I sat on the ball for maybe 10 minutes that night. Nothing. Crickets. Friday August 7th rolls around. I sat on it again for about 10 more minutes. It was weird rolling around on it, but it actually felt good to stretch. I proceeded to take Lila on a 2 mile walk. I was exhausted. Fast forward to around 2 pm. I went to the bathroom, and there was a faint amount of blood. *repeats over and over "this is normal. do not panic."*

So naturally, I do what any sane 9 month pregnant woman would do. I googled it. Yep, normal. But "call doctor if worsens." Um, okay? So I call Morgan, my aunt. She didn't experience it. Okay.... don't panic. I talked with her on the phone for about an hour. I started cramping while on the phone. Man, I did not miss menstrual cramps. They were fairly intense, but I wasn't taken back by them. I decided to get in the shower, because I knew I needed to desperately wash my hair and it may make me feel better. Nope. They were getting worse. So, I call the doctor. Thankfully, my doctor was the on call doctor. He told me I was having contractions, and that if they or the bleeding got worse/5 min apart, come on in.

I did my hair, which was pointless because it was in a pony tail the entire time, but at least it smelled clean. Anyways, I texted Pat and told him: "Hey, I think I may be in labor... but no worries you've got lots of time... I just think it's starting... Do not speed." He immediately responds, "IM 20 AWAY!" Oh, bless his caring heart. The contractions were 100 kinds of AWFUL. I couldn't hardly eat dinner they hurt so bad. They started about 10 min apart, lasting for 20 seconds. At this point, they were about 45 sec long. I went to take a bath. Nope, didn't help. So, we get in bed, and around 11 I just can't take it anymore. I take another bath. As soon as I get in, I realize something isn't right. So I immediately got out. I woke Patrick up, and said we need to go. We get to the hospital at midnight. Apparently, my doctor had stopped by on rounds and told them to be expecting me. I love him.

They have to do 3258352 things before they decide if they are going to admit you or send you home. They checked me to see if I was dilated, I was only at 2. Ouch. They admit you at 4. I am not going home. They check to see if my water has broken, which I told them it hadn't. Apparently it had. And I missed it. Do you know how disappointed I was?! It was not like the gush of fluid they say. I know some experience that, but I did not. They took my blood, prepped me for the epidural, and it was hurry up and wait time.

I dilated a cm each hour. Around 3 the baby's heart rate/DCells dropped dramatically. My doctor stayed at the hospital and monitored his heart rate the entire labor process. He's awesome. It was scary. They dropped two or three more times, and he was talking to me about a possible c section. I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. Not that there is ANY THING wrong with a c-section, I seriously did not want surgery. I had about 10 minutes to come to peace with it, and if it was what kept him safest, that is what we would do. My doctor is a very patient man. So we waited, and everything was progressing great. No C Section. Around 7 am they came in to check me, said it was time to start practice pushing. Real pushing began at 810, and Warren Christopher was born at 9:39.


His first month home has been an adventure. I have never felt more emotions than during those first two weeks. From absolute joy to complete anxiety. Those two weeks were the hardest two weeks of my life. I had no clue what I was doing [let's be honest, I still don't lol], and my baby was hysterical. I mean at times, the screams were enough to bring you to your knees. It was hard, and you feel so unbelievably helpless. Breastfeeding was miserable. Yes, I said it. It was going great in the hospital, but when my milk came in [and my gracious it came in with vengeance!], it's like he had no clue how to latch anymore. It was the hardest thing not to just say screw it, forget this. But, with the help of a lactation consultant, we made it work. He would only sleep on my chest. Okay, so I am not saying that last part is bad at all. I kind of miss those newborn snuggles... a lot!! And then, just when you feel so helpless, your son pees on the couch and all over your mom's hair mid diaper change. And you laugh. And laugh. And laugh some more. And then, at 3 AM when your mom is handing you the clean diaper, you change it. She asks for the dirty diaper that you SWEAR you just gave her. And then you both realize that you taped the dirty diaper tab to the clean diaper. And you laugh and laugh and laugh some more.

But, I say all that to say, they made me stronger. I think all mom's go through that. At least that's what I am telling myself. Those two weeks gave me the confidence that if I can handle all of that not knowing anything, I've got this. I can do it. It doesn't necessarily get easier, but you get better.  And you just have to laugh along the way. [I read this article the other day, tears streamed through the entire thing. All I can say is, YES. http://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/it-wont-get-better]

This sweet boy has stolen our hearts. I never knew I could love someone so much. I know that is so cliche, but it is SO true. He makes us laugh constantly. He is amazing us every day with the things he can do, and the way he is changing.

37 Weeks

Size of Baby: 37 weeks! [that is a apparently winter melon, in case you're curious!]

Gender: BOY!

Fun fact: All the apps say I am offically FULL TERM! Basically, all of his organs and systems function the way they should if I were to go into labor!

Movement: They've slowed down a little, he's running out of room. 

Sleep: I'm sleepy all the time. I still wake up about 2-3 times a night, so I am sleeping in about 2-3 hour increments. My body is truly prepping for baby!

Workouts: It is H-O-T. With a heat index of over 100 every day, this has slowed down drastically. I am still moving around a lot.. but the "workouts" have definitely slowed down.

Maternity Clothes: Same.Target Black Maxi, you da real MVP.

Symptoms: Other than just being tired, I can't complain. I do have a pretty painful case of carpal tunnel in my hands, but that will go away hopefully after baby is born. My doctor recommended a wrist brace, so I will be getting one of those today.
   
Cravings/Aversions: I crave keeping my dinner down. I have a nice little case of third trimester evening sickness! ha!

Missing Most: Fall. Lol can anyone relate?! It is hot out there!

Nursery: Ready for baby :)

Hubby: He's been so helpful when I move at a glacial pace! Lol

Best part of the Week: Knowing that I am one day closer to having this baby boy! Mom and I made freezer meals on Sunday. I have about 16 meals made up so far. Which will last us awhile, since I know mom will cook and friends will bring stuff over for us. God bless them. I did burn my stomach during the process via baking pan. I was more upset that there was now a mark on my stomach than the actual burn, because I surprisingly don't have any stretch marks [yet...].

Can't Wait For: To have this sweet baby boy!

8 Month Recap

Whoa, it's been a quick minute on the recaps. So, instead of doing weekly ones, I will just sum it up in the 8 month!


Size of Baby: 35w5d

Gender: Sweet baby BOY! I seriously cannot wait to call his name the first

Fun fact: We had our baby shower, and it was absolutely perfect! 

Movement: He is running out of room, but he still is moving a lot!

Sleep:  L O L. What is that?! I am at that "no position is comfortable" stage. The 8th month wasn't too bad, but gradually has gotten more difficult. Whoever says "Get your sleep now" has obviously never been pregnant! Ha, kidding!!

Workouts: Walking, and had to really slow it down, which really stinks!  

Maternity Clothes: Same. I live in my Junior's Target Black Maxi.

Symptoms: Exhaustion. Achy. Swelling (woof). You name it! Lol. I had some blood pressure issues last week... it was running a little high for me, not high for concern, but high for me. Then, last Wednesday I was at the dentist and passed out... BP dropped to 80/40. It was easily the scariest moment of my life, and I am not exaggerating when I say that. I was terrified. Which I think led me to have a panic attack. So, my dr admitted me to L&D to be monitored. Everything was a-okay, thank goodness. I just have to take it easy. Which is easier said than done!!
   
Cravings/Aversions: nothing really,

Missing Most: A nice cold turkey sandwich. So maybe I am craving something!!

Nursery: Basically done and ready for baby! I have his sheets and clothes washed!

Hubby:getting excited. And I think he's really nervous. Which is kind of neat. Glad to know I am not the only one thinking "oh my gosh, I am about to be responsible for a tiny human!!"

Best part of the Week [month]: Baby Shower was definitely a highlight for me!It was so perfect, and I couldn't have wished for more! I have the best friends.

Can't Wait For: We are going to the Luke Bryan/FLAGALine/Randy Houser/Dustin Lynch/& TR concert on Saturday. I am so pumped. This is kind of our last hoo-rah before baby boy gets here! We will have many after, but for the last month, I am actually planning to get some rest. Haha, we shall see if that actually happens!! I am also looking forward to my dr appointment next week... its the downhill slide from here!! Ahh!

June 18th | 4 years

I met Garic my freshman year during winter term. I remember him coming to class late, and having to sit next to me on the front row. Over those next three weeks we became friends, good friends actually. He had just gotten back from his deployment with the Marines. I had an instant respect and fondness of him. He was likeable. Class was over and we went about our ways. That following fall semester I joined my sorority. I also had another class with him. Naturally, we sat next to each other. We bonded all over again, and wondered why we didn't stay in touch. He kept trying to set me up with his little brother. I was unavailable and uninterested. In a nutshell, I was still with my high school boyfriend of (on again off again) 6 years. I know. Enough about that. After We broke up, he tried harder. He's persistent. Anyways,  he gave up on trying to set us up after two semesters of failed invites and somewhat convincing arguments.

A year passed. I moved on. And one night, my sorority sisters talked me into going to a cookout. And if you read my blog, you know that's where I met my now husband. He was persistent, too. I can still remember him telling me to give him a call later. Lol, I don't call boys. Mama taught me that. Jokingly, I said "I only know one person that's a Sigma Nu, and he's not even here to vouch for you." He asked who it was. I said Garic. What do you know, he's Garic's little brother. I laughed. God, you work in mysterious ways.

Shortly after we began dating, Garic passed away. It's been four years. Four years of missing our friend and brother. This day is always hard. But the days in between are hard, too. There honestly isn't a day that I don't think of him and wish he were still here. You see, he loved life. He embodied what a friend is supposed to be. He was honest to the core, and loyal to a fault. He laughed hard, loved hard, and fought hard. He helped my husband grieve the loss of his mother. He guided him through his first years of college. He was a shoulder to lean on, and he had your back. I grew up that day. I saw life differently. I saw people differently. Losing someone like that will do that to you.

So badly I wish he were here to share this time with Pat and I. I wish he could meet my son. I wish he could love him, and teach him, and encourage him only the way Garic can. He would've been the best uncle. Four years seems like a lifetime ago. But at the same time it feels like yesterday. So, here's to celebrating a beautifully impactful life. Here's to laughter and friendship. Here's to you, Garic.


It's been a long day without you my friend, and I'll tell you all about when I see you again.

31 Weeks

Size of Baby: the size of a pineapple!

Gender: Sweet baby BOY!

Fun fact: He has had the hiccups twice this week! I always questioned, "How in the world do you crazy mommas know that the baby has hiccups?!" Everyone said, you just know. And let me tell you, you just know. It was so funny/cute.

Movement: By far the best thing about pregnancy, and it makes it allllll worth it.

Sleep:  I slept sooooo good last night. I only got up once. What in the world!? I needed that sleep after our crazy weekend!

Workouts: Elliptical/Walking Lila. I am noticing being able to do less due to the whole not being able to breathe thing!

Maternity Clothes: Same.

Symptoms: Just an overall sense of being exhausted. But I will take it!
   
Cravings/Aversions: nothing really

Missing Most Cool weather! haha!

Nursery: Matress, check. Monitor [that we wont need for awhile], check.

Hubby: as said the last few weeks, and especially true this week... the real MVP.

Best part of the Week: Saturday was full of celebrations... we partied with the coolest 3 year old on the planet at his birthday party. Mom and I attended a wedding of a girl I have known since I was 12 and she was 9. We also celebrated Caroline's big 2-5 at dinner later that night, where we laughed hysterically about whoopee cushions and why people aren't Jesus. Long story, haha!

Can't Wait For: Tonight: our first baby class!! Ahh!! I am nervous and excited! Saturday my grandparents come in. Sunday all of my dearest friends and family are getting together to celebrate baby boy at my shower!! I am so excited to be around everyone!!